Sometime in December I started sleeping with my phone on do not disturb mode. Why? Well, it’s not because I’m some hot-shot socialite whose influx of messages and social media notifications keeps my phone buzzing into the wee hours of the morning…
It’s because I’m tired of the trauma my three email inboxes consistently bring. To set the scene, I have one inbox that my professors and university use to ruin my day, one inbox that job recruiters use to remind me I’m not enough, and lastly one inbox that marketers use to remind me of all the things I cannot afford to buy without a more promising email from the aforementioned recruiters in the aforementioned inbox.
Here’s the thing: I’m graduating college in five weeks. Every single time I open my phone, I’m met with a graded assignment, a new job recommendation, a new job rejection, a campus COVID-19 update, a new Zoom meeting notification, and my favorite, a reminder that I still haven’t filled out the one-millionth form needed for my departure from this university who sees no qualms in emailing me 50 times on a Sunday evening.
I’m exhausted. You’re exhausted. We’re all so freaking tired of the constant digital connectedness.
I desperately want to return to the days where the first thing I saw in the morning was my bright blue digital alarm clock alerting me that it was time to go have a bowl of sugary cereal, watch Saved by The Bell with my brother in the kitchen, put on my Jonas Brothers t-shirt, and play school with my friends all day.
But long gone are the days of pigtail braids and playdates, I guess. That’s what they tell me, anyways. Although I’m not sure why it has to be this way because I swear adulting is just an elevated version of being a four-year-old.
I still only want to eat carbs for dinner and cry if I can’t have dessert. I get upset when other adults tell me I’ve done something wrong. I want everyone to be my friend despite my best efforts to be independent. I still think boys are gross. The list goes on.
If being an adult is just acting like a child with access to wine, can I also please be sat in time-out for a bit? No phone, no emails, no people asking me about my post-grad plans. Just me pouting in a corner, alone, unbothered by the online world.
Of course, just like any toddler, I’ll grow tired of that isolation far faster than is good for my mental stability. But it would be nice for an hour or two. Only… can I please bring an apple juice (wine) and maybe a bowl of mac & cheese to keep me company while I wait for the world to need my presence again?
