Reflecting on the triumphs and downfalls of my first year at college. . .
Accepting a New Reality
CHECK. My first semester at college was somewhat miserable. Adapting to a new environment is never easy, especially when that new environment places you in the middle of a school that was very far from your “first choice.” I was really reluctant to accepting my new environment, but I’ve warmed up to my school and the opportunities it’ll afford me over the years. College is what you make it, after all.
Admitting You’ve Changed Your Mind
Like probably more than half of my fellow classmates, I came to college with Medicine on my mind. Ever since I can remember I was set on becoming a dermatologist. It was practical, achievable, and would provide me with financial security. (I also love taking care of skin + helping people through direct contact, so the career made sense.) It struck me recently – likely while suffering through one of my lab periods – that I hate science. Not a great sign for someone who was set to commit the rest of her life to it.
Let me clarify – I love what science can do for our population, but man, it bores me to actual tears. *references tear-stained notebooks* I have been forcing myself to “enjoy” chemistry, biology, and so on for years. But I’ve realized through observing my classmates that performing well and actually thriving in a class are two very different things. Sure, I can hang in there academically, but if I have to sacrifice my mental well-being to do so. . .is it worth it?
I haven’t totally abandoned the possibility of becoming a physician. I’m nineteen, for goodness’ sake. How could I possibly know what I want to do for the rest of my life?
So here is it, an admission in writing: I changed my mind.
Learning to Let Go
In the fall, I’m taking the semester off from pre-med requirements to re-focus on passions that lie outside the field of science (and there are LOTS). If the fact that I started a fashion blog at the age of 15 didn’t make it obvious enough – I really love this industry. Apparently I’m the only one who has been denying that fact for the past ohhh. . .half-decade!! My academic schedule has made it impossible for me to maintain an active presence on this blog. I just don’t think it is acceptable to give up something you love just to find “success.”
Maybe (probably) my future isn’t creative directing a fashion label or writing for a magazine. Still, I am trying to learn to let go of the idea that pursuing academics necessarily lands me in a job void of all creativity. There are literally millions of careers out there. I just have to find one (or five) that feels right for me.
So here is to another big change for me in the fall – a new reality where success isn’t defined only by becoming a doctor by the age of 25.
SHOP MY LOOK
My mom is always telling me, “Don’t feel trapped.” Up until a few weeks ago, I really felt like there was no other option for me but to stick with medicine. One of my biggest fears in life is feeling as though I didn’t follow through with my goals. Making the decision to take another path, even if it is just for a little while, doesn’t feel like giving up. It just feels like a step in the right direction. If you feel stuck in your academic program or career, make the decision to let go. Don’t be an imposter in your own life.
XOXOXO, Zo
Love this! I was going to be a physical therapist but I realized I really didn’t want to go to school for the extra years. As you know, I ended up teaching Physical Education. Different, but it has worked out perfectly for me!
Change is a constant thing. A very good thing. Don’t fear change. Embrace it!
Love you ❤️